My last two kids (numbers two and three) were not “planned”. Actually I was very surprised both times. They both came at a time where I was tired and exhausted from battles against my marriage. On both occasions I was considering giving it a break but God saw different. But it was this last pregnancy that gave me amazing chances for do overs. Not only in my marriage but as a mother. Being a wife and mother can be more exhausting than almost any other role. We place unrealistic demands and expectations on ourselves as women. In addition to our own insurmountable expectations, we take on “unspoken” expectations of the world and our spouses. Talk about shoes to fill. Whew! And we know some of us women love shoes. Lol.
I’m 9 Years Older Than I Was My First pregnancy and 9 years more patient. Now not that I’ve been exhibiting patience these past nine years but for some reason God has graced me with a patience I’ve been lacking for the past nine years. I’m more tolerable and more observant. 9 years and two children have swept by. I’ve missed most of it due to work and exertion to excel in work, at home, all while keeping the home clean, food cooked and children well discipline and spending quality time with my family. Might I add I don’t believe I hit either target on the mark. Lol. In fact I’m ridiculously further from the targets than I would have ever wanted to be. Sometimes I’ve really questioned if I loved my children. I look at other mothers and the way they “love” their kids and think why don’t I feel that for my children. Instead I more readily feel irritable, annoyed, and tested when I think of mine. It’s like I’m not even facing the mark.
However when I consider this new child that I question God about I see an abundance of new opportunity. A chance to revive and recreate my marriage and my family. I see a second chance to figure out what this thing called joy in motherhood is all about.
There’s less stress this time around. Less outbursts of anger and frustration. There’s more peace and appreciation. Not for perfection but for …..another chance.
Psalm 127:3 ESV
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.