The bible calls for us to be our spouse’s helpmate. So often we are so into our feelings, so unstable, that we hinder not help our mate. We give no thought to their needs and struggles only our “wants”. Our priority is not in “relationship” but rather our own “rights”.
Time is needed before nuptials to ask yourself, “why am I getting married”. The why is such a difficult question to ask and answer. Ever wonder why kids almost always respond “I don’t know” to the why questions (adults do also). A better question is “what is my/your motive”.
It’s so easy to answer I love them or justify that I fell out of love but when we think of marriage in terms of motive its not so simple. Motives imply intent which implies a responsibility; which is much more difficult to justify a way out of. A motive takes the responsibility off the spouse and places it one’s self. You become accountable for your own choices and actions.
We often hear people say they married the wrong person; truth is Satan may have planted this idea in one person. That person carried the idea to another who accepted it as truth. Someone opened their mind to allow this falsehood to come in and we in the world accepted it as plausible. It made them feel relieved that they had a way out; so they accepted it as truth; their truth. The world is highly accepting of excuses and bail outs when it comes to matters of responsibility.
When we place our wants over our spouses we become a hindrance rather than a help mate. We initiate a cycle of selfishness that says I won’t give unless I first receive. This ignites a spirit of defensiveness as we began to spew all the reasons we are justified in demanding our own way.
To change this nature in marriage, we have to first become familiar with love in action; the purpose of marriage; the beauty of placing another’s value over one’s own. We must learn to carry the burdens of each other.
Think about if this person turned to drugs tomorrow, three years, ten years, could you endure and pray them through it while remaining loyal and faithful? Would you be willing to help them carry that burden? Love is so much more than adoring a person’s smile or sharing a laugh together. It is the action of relieving another of a hardship or simply lightening their load. It’s the selfless act of placing that person’s desires and needs above your own. It’s the sacrifice of many things for the pleasure of seeing another happy.
Love is rarely felt through feelings as it is so often expected. You will find that when love is based off feelings they are it is difficult to describe. When it is rather given and received through actions the descriptions of love and the feelings derived from it are too many to name. When love is the motive the one giving it is not the center nor looking to receive in return; however the reciprocity is somehow unavoidable.
Carry one another‘s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ