Costume of Grace

Today I put in a costume of grace. Returning to school from a three day break after this past weekend some of my kids were less than excited to get out of bed this morning. While I feel the exact same way every morning I do understand that in order for me to make it to work to my hourly paid job each morning I have to stick to a time schedule.

My six year old is known for awakening with whining and crying. Normal but not yet acceptable. The oldest decided that although her choices led to an extended Christmas break of about a month in a half she still deserved a week off for Mardi Gras break. That’s a different post entirely.

Normally I would be screaming promises and threats. But today. The lord graced me with thought and patience to calmly explain why things are what they are.

When I realized I’d kept my cool, I immediately thanked God for grace. And then night fell. Sad to say an incident occurred following my two year old going about life as if we have an enmeshed relationship. Needlessly to say I went off, on ev-ry-one except the husband 🤦🏽‍♀️.

One of my greatest desires is to love like Christ and I don’t feel like I can do that if I’m constantly yelling at my little people. I’m sure many mommies can relate. While this used to get me down, I basked today in the victory of Christ this morning as I navigated through the emotions of this thing called family. I guess I can say I’m learning to give myself grace and believing that He who started a good thing in me this morning is faithful to complete it in His time, even if His time is not tonight.

 

grace

Phil 1:6

Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. 

Advertisements

Helpmate or Hindrance

love_is_black_and_white_by_atokniiro-d3kdtft

The bible calls for us to be our spouse’s helpmate.  So often we are so into our feelings, so unstable, that we hinder not help our mate.  We give no thought to their needs and struggles only our “wants”.   Our priority is not in “relationship” but rather our own “rights”.

Time is needed before nuptials to ask yourself, “why am I getting married”.   The why is such a difficult question to ask and answer.  Ever wonder why kids almost always respond “I don’t know” to the why questions (adults do also).  A better question is “what is my/your motive”.

It’s so easy to answer I love them or justify that I fell out of love but when we think of marriage in terms of motive its not so simple.  Motives imply intent which implies a responsibility; which is much more difficult to justify a way out of.   A motive takes the responsibility off the spouse and places it one’s self.  You become accountable for your own choices and actions.

We often hear people say they married the wrong person; truth is Satan may have planted this idea in one person. That person carried the idea to another who accepted it as truth.  Someone opened their mind to allow this falsehood to come in and we in the world accepted it as plausible.  It made them feel relieved that they had a way out; so they accepted it as truth; their truth.  The world is highly accepting of excuses and bail outs when it comes to matters of responsibility.

When we place our wants over our spouses we become a hindrance rather than a help mate.  We initiate a cycle of selfishness that says I won’t give unless I first receive.  This ignites a spirit of defensiveness as we began to spew all the reasons we are justified in demanding our own way.

To change this nature in marriage, we have to first become familiar with love in action; the purpose of marriage; the beauty of placing another’s value over one’s own.  We must learn to carry the burdens of each other.

Think about if this person turned to drugs tomorrow, three years, ten years, could you endure and pray them through it while remaining loyal and faithful?  Would you be willing to help them carry that burden? Love is so much more than adoring a person’s smile or sharing a laugh together.  It is the action of relieving another of a hardship or simply lightening their load.  It’s the selfless act of placing that person’s desires and needs above your own.  It’s the sacrifice of many things for the pleasure of seeing another happy.

Love is rarely felt through feelings as it is so often expected.  You will find that when love is based off feelings they are it is difficult to describe.  When it is rather given and received through actions the descriptions of love and the feelings derived from it are too many to name.  When love is the motive the one giving it is not the center nor looking to receive in return; however the reciprocity is somehow unavoidable.

Gal 6:2

Carry one another‘s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/relieved/

Childhood

Childhood is a time that is supposed to be comprised of innocence and adventure. A time of growth, lessons, and bonding. Childhood is where we are expected to learn the art of relationship maintenance and preservation and blossoming through our imperfections.  However this seems to be the childhood of old. The new age childhood is an age of material build up in an attempt to mask our imperfections and portray the ultimate fleek out image. An age of me first and immediate self gratification. We wonder where did the youth of today adopt this culture and it can only be from us, the parents of the age. I may not indulge my children in material masking or the technology savvy of the age but I can surely see how I’ve managed to model the immediacy and self gratification they display.

When I ask my children to do something or rather command that they do something, I expect it to be done immediately with absolutely no hesitation. You especially don’t want to appear as if you’re purposely dragging your feet even for one millisecond (sad disclaimer 😩). I know I know some may say well that’s to be expected. They should show respect. And although at times I can agree I am beginning to find that maybe that has more to do with my ego than parenting, guiding, and directing. I mean obviously they don’t want to comply with my request. Shouldn’t they get at least a millisecond or two to drag their feet if they are actually moving into the direction of compliance. Shouldn’t they be allowed time to cope with their emotions in that moment. And if I blow up because they aren’t complying right at that second aren’t I just re enforcing the immediate gratification principal?

How about when I ask my four year old to go get something for me…in my defense I couldn’t get it myself BC I had an 11 month old in water. But before I can even ask her to get it I’m jittering with impatience as she meticulously brushes her teeth before bed. 😂 she could not have taken more than about two minutes (the time it takes to so it correctly) but every stoke, every rinse and re brush felt like eternity as I waited for her to finish to request what I needed. As she scurried to find it I listens jitteryly to my son ask about a sore as I rushed him off to assist in locating this thing that I needed. In that instance I realized that expect demand immediacy from them. I constantly re-enforce to them that when I ask them to do something it has to be right then. There’s no room for adventures, questions, or reassurance. I model the opposite of what it is I’m trying to teach them. My actions are not lining up with my words. And so as many of us do, knowingly and unknowingly, I punish them for following my example.

Habits are difficult to break and often times we have to instead replace them with another behavior; so next time I find my child taking their time to comply with a request I silently say a prayer for them and me to improve in our areas of weakness.  What will you do to replace or break your habit of expecting immediacy? Post your response in the comments below.

image

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/childhood/