Helpmate or Hindrance


The bible calls for us to be our spouse’s helpmate.  So often we are so into our feelings, so unstable, that we hinder not help our mate.  We give no thought to their needs and struggles only our “wants”.   Our priority is not in “relationship” but rather our own “rights”.

Time is needed before nuptials to ask yourself, “why am I getting married”.   The why is such a difficult question to ask and answer.  Ever wonder why kids almost always respond “I don’t know” to the why questions (adults do also).  A better question is “what is my/your motive”.

It’s so easy to answer I love them or justify that I fell out of love but when we think of marriage in terms of motive its not so simple.  Motives imply intent which implies a responsibility; which is much more difficult to justify a way out of.   A motive takes the responsibility off the spouse and places it one’s self.  You become accountable for your own choices and actions.

We often hear people say they married the wrong person; truth is Satan may have planted this idea in one person. That person carried the idea to another who accepted it as truth.  Someone opened their mind to allow this falsehood to come in and we in the world accepted it as plausible.  It made them feel relieved that they had a way out; so they accepted it as truth; their truth.  The world is highly accepting of excuses and bail outs when it comes to matters of responsibility.

When we place our wants over our spouses we become a hindrance rather than a help mate.  We initiate a cycle of selfishness that says I won’t give unless I first receive.  This ignites a spirit of defensiveness as we began to spew all the reasons we are justified in demanding our own way.

To change this nature in marriage, we have to first become familiar with love in action; the purpose of marriage; the beauty of placing another’s value over one’s own.  We must learn to carry the burdens of each other.

Think about if this person turned to drugs tomorrow, three years, ten years, could you endure and pray them through it while remaining loyal and faithful?  Would you be willing to help them carry that burden? Love is so much more than adoring a person’s smile or sharing a laugh together.  It is the action of relieving another of a hardship or simply lightening their load.  It’s the selfless act of placing that person’s desires and needs above your own.  It’s the sacrifice of many things for the pleasure of seeing another happy.

Love is rarely felt through feelings as it is so often expected.  You will find that when love is based off feelings they are it is difficult to describe.  When it is rather given and received through actions the descriptions of love and the feelings derived from it are too many to name.  When love is the motive the one giving it is not the center nor looking to receive in return; however the reciprocity is somehow unavoidable.

Gal 6:2

Carry one another‘s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ



We never know how important the words we speak to someone are. The simplest compliment, or observation can drastically change the way a person sees themselves. The simplest words can speak life into a part of someone that has seen defeat over and over again.

This very thing happened to me. In that moment, I knew there was something about those words but I didn’t know just how deep those words healed me. An hour or so later as I reflected on telling that person the depth of those words it became so clear to me; those words freed me. They freed me of my own self-doubt, self-criticism, and self-defeat.

Those words were words I needed to hear. They were six simple words:


Many people don’t know this but that is one of my inner critics. One of the voices inside my head that tell me: you’re not good enough. You’re not good enough as a Christian, you’re not good enough as a woman, you’re not good enough as a sister, you’re not good enough as a parent! I try to be the picture of perfection. A perfect Christian, a perfect mother, a perfect friend. Not in a way that is superior to others but in a way that I view myself as a person. In a way that often left me feeling inadequate in my roles.

My ultimate desire is to be a gentle loving person. To me gentleness and patience go hand and hand; so, if I am not patient, I am not gentle. If I am not gentle, I am not patient. Every mess up for me is a blow to my perception of how I measure up; of my goodness. Every time I use a high pitch voice, an angry tone, or ugly word I feel the scorn of my self-critic yell YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

I told myself so many times “I’m impatient, I hate waiting”. From that I believed those things and lived those things out. For someone to make that simple comment meant so much to me. They didn’t know it in that moment, but those simple words silenced that inner negativity and life began to grow where there was once agony.

The next time a thought of positivity comes to your mind, no matter how small use it to speak life into another person.  Today, someone said something to me and it freed me to know that I AM GOOD ENOUGH. If you are reading this I want you to know that YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH.

Ephesians 4:29

Stationary strides

My son is the sweetest person you’d ever want to meet. Oh my, he loves God and enjoys life! He makes straight A’s and readily says yes ma’am when a request is made of him, except to be neat and clean his room 😩. But if he’s so awesome why am I so readily irritated by him?
It must be something within me. How can this gentle guy erupt  such impatience and irritability in me? I can only conclude that the bible rings true that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks (Luke 6:45). These feelings can only be something that is already embedded in my heart. But how does my heart become clouded with anger? How is it that I could miss these opportunities to enjoy life with a part of me?


I suppose its because I am so busy. Since his todd years I have been juggling multiple jobs and school. It seems as though I’m always striving towards something else. And as I’m striving,  I am digging a deeper hole to be filled with more busyness. My busyness is often times non productive. The kids go off and do their thing….I go off to do mine…hubby does his and when we reconvene together the adults want to isolate to unwind and the kids want to engage in quality time. We are so busy striving that we push our kids away when they are just trying to live.  There are attempts to balance each aspect of the day and in turn I just end up feeling unappreciated.  But did the children ask me to be busy, to work the profession I work, to create the need to work more? Did God instruct me to do these things? Or is this some need and vision I have created for myself? Do I even have time to stop and inquire of the Lord if these are things according to his plan?

How can I cease to be busy and learn to be still? This appears to be the answer for everything but the first and obvious would be to spend time with the Lord. 

Use your time appropriately: While at work, work. While at home serve and enjoy your family. Make time to rest. Avoid the multi task dance where nothing gets done.  We spend countless hours recounting in our mind all the things “we need to do”, doing things we think “need to be done”, and making plans to “commit to more”.  What are we actually getting done?  And if we are spending all this time thinking and planning, why isn’t anything getting “done”?

Life is such a competition now.  We lack contentment in the privilege of living. Ahh! What glory in being able to wake up and breathe one more breath.  What joy in seeing the faces of our family and neighbors one more day.  The Lord has been so good to give us just one more….. If we could focus on the glory of ‘now’, everything would fall into it’s place.

Philippians 4:12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.