Helpmate or Hindrance

The bible calls for us to be our spouse’s helpmate.  So often we are so into our feelings, so unstable, that we hinder not help our mate.  We give no thought to their needs and struggles only our “wants”.   Our priority is not in “relationship” but rather our own “rights”.

Time is needed before nuptials to ask yourself, “why am I getting married”.   The why is such a difficult question to ask and answer.  Ever wonder why kids almost always respond “I don’t know” to the why questions (adults do also).  A better question is “what is my/your motive”.

It’s so easy to answer I love them or justify that I fell out of love but when we think of marriage in terms of motive its not so simple.  Motives imply intent which implies a responsibility; which is much more difficult to justify a way out of.   A motive takes the responsibility off the spouse and places it one’s self.  You become accountable for your own choices and actions.

We often hear people say they married the wrong person; truth is Satan may have planted this idea in one person. That person carried the idea to another who accepted it as truth.  Someone opened their mind to allow this falsehood to come in and we in the world accepted it as plausible.  It made them feel relieved that they had a way out; so they accepted it as truth; their truth.  The world is highly accepting of excuses and bail outs when it comes to matters of responsibility.

When we place our wants over our spouses we become a hindrance rather than a help mate.  We initiate a cycle of selfishness that says I won’t give unless I first receive.  This ignites a spirit of defensiveness as we began to spew all the reasons we are justified in demanding our own way.

To change this nature in marriage, we have to first become familiar with love in action; the purpose of marriage; the beauty of placing another’s value over one’s own.  We must learn to carry the burdens of each other.

Think about if this person turned to drugs tomorrow, three years, ten years, could you endure and pray them through it while remaining loyal and faithful?  Would you be willing to help them carry that burden? Love is so much more than adoring a person’s smile or sharing a laugh together.  It is the action of relieving another of a hardship or simply lightening their load.  It’s the selfless act of placing that person’s desires and needs above your own.  It’s the sacrifice of many things for the pleasure of seeing another happy.

Love is rarely felt through feelings as it is so often expected.  You will find that when love is based off feelings they are it is difficult to describe.  When it is rather given and received through actions the descriptions of love and the feelings derived from it are too many to name.  When love is the motive the one giving it is not the center nor looking to receive in return; however the reciprocity is someone unavoidable.

Gal 6:2

Carry one another‘s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ

That Bass 

Ever wonder why the first time can be sooooo damn good and after time its just mediocre. Lol.

The first time you’re panting and sweating full blown lust and later you’re just watching the clock. Sometimes its on point and sometimes its not. Lol.

I’ve come to figure its the not knowing that’s so exciting. The anticipation you’ve built up in your mind of “what it could be “.

It could actually be the worse but because you’re hopeful if feels like heaven 😂😂😂. You imagine how great it will be over and over again that you’re fuming off pure imagination and hot lust.

Somewhere down the line however you get comfortable. You start expecting the usual and you lower your expectations, therefore lowering your desire, and ultimately lowering your own performance.

Most of life is mental and imagination. Once you conquer or create a thing in your mind it proves to be better than you expected. So go ahead and pant…anticipate more 😉


We never know how important the words we speak to someone are. The simplest compliment, or observation can drastically change the way a person sees themselves. The simplest words can speak life into a part of someone that has seen defeat over and over again.

This very thing happened to me. In that moment, I knew there was something about those words but I didn’t know just how deep those words healed me. An hour or so later as I reflected on telling that person the depth of those words it became so clear to me; those words freed me. They freed me of my own self-doubt, self-criticism, and self-defeat.

Those words were words I needed to hear. They were six simple words:


Many people don’t know this but that is one of my inner critics. One of the voices inside my head that tell me: you’re not good enough. You’re not good enough as a Christian, you’re not good enough as a woman, you’re not good enough as a sister, you’re not good enough as a parent! I try to be the picture of perfection. A perfect Christian, a perfect mother, a perfect friend. Not in a way that is superior to others but in a way that I view myself as a person. In a way that often left me feeling inadequate in my roles.

My ultimate desire is to be a gentle loving person. To me gentleness and patience go hand and hand; so, if I am not patient, I am not gentle. If I am not gentle, I am not patient. Every mess up for me is a blow to my perception of how I measure up; of my goodness. Every time I use a high pitch voice, an angry tone, or ugly word I feel the scorn of my self-critic yell YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

I told myself so many times “I’m impatient, I hate waiting”. From that I believed those things and lived those things out. For someone to make that simple comment meant so much to me. They didn’t know it in that moment, but those simple words silenced that inner negativity and life began to grow where there was once agony.

The next time a thought of positivity comes to your mind, no matter how small use it to speak life into another person.  Today, someone said something to me and it freed me to know that I AM GOOD ENOUGH. If you are reading this I want you to know that YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH.

Ephesians 4:29